born right in time for a violent uprisingshortly before the breakout of a three-decade-long warin a country where no less than seven people die in road accidents every single dayand one natural disasterclaimed almost thirty-one thousand lives in the space of a half-a-morning how is it that death has not claimed you yet?[my love-hate holds you bound tightly tothis earth]
maybe I should apologisefor that time I kissed youso enthusiasticallyI thought we’d fall over;positively adorable, reallyif only I meant it –we could have madesomething of us
did you think I cared, really? – that time I held youand kissed you and kissed you again(and yes, again,of course)did you really think I cared?how could you?I barely saw youfor you.
when I grew upmy mother hand-stitched me a dress like a dreamlayers upon layers of silk and netgold and white and creammy stepfatherkissed me hard on the lipsand moved his tongue roughly and insistently inside my mouthsaying I was grown up now this was his giftmen who came laterthreatened to kill himgnashed their teeth andclenched their fists - yet wanted the sameand more.
whenever someone sets out to break me,their intentions so transparent,I look to youan army of beggars, amateurs,tongues tripping on stock phrases"you’re so beautiful";"I want you now"; "I love you"it takes a halfwit to fall for it,this parade of hands reaching outto take, take, take!hungry mouths spilling out so much flattery, it stinks in the streetssaccharine sweetthen, unfailingly, the parade of accusationsweak men forever shouting'WHORE'they ...
the blackbirdsare flying againyou’re screamingbloody murderI cut my fingernailsand try not to laughand you ask mewhat do you want?what do you want?is it blood?nowhen I am this hollowI want bone marrow
from "you are my world"to "you were my world"there is a space so vastI can't navigate it yet -not through the ocean of your endless tearsif you can stop cryingI might stop drowning
how are you ableto see the writingcarved into my skinread this languageunderstand this bloodhow it ebbs and flowshold this breathmeasure its weightand know its depthyou have notknown enoughof this life but yetwhen I seeyour soft handsI want them
when you look at meI look at me through your eyesI see that you see the scarsand cover me in something that changes mefrom more than just open woundin your eyes I am more complete than I have been since I was a child
reel it all back in,those feelings you poured into usthese past monthsfill yourself up againwith your illusions, leave me emptyof your word vomitdid you think I would beg?did you think I would weep?did you think I would even blink?you do mea disservicewith these imaginingsI have been buried too many timesto be evisceratedby one more endingI will resurrect myself just fine
when thoseyou love leave,they are suddenlyeverywhere -step out, turn leftthere they are!right behind you,oh they're there!on the balconiesunder the stairsup on hoardingseverywhereyou can barelytake a stepfor tripping oversome love leftor stumbling intolove that's leftwhen thoseyou love leave
your careless wordsfalling so effortlesslyfrom those fingersthose careless handsso deftly breakingmy heart apartso blinded by youI just didn't seethat knife