I wear my watches stopped, all of them.each year my sister replaces herswith newer designs, gives me one or twothey've stopped, she says,repair them.I nod my head, wear them as they areremembering how your heart stoppedhow your heart was stopped.
when I was a child,I believed in six ridiculous things:1. each country is a different road2. plants can grow inside me from seeds3. I can see and talk to the dead4. my pet was a pigeon (it was a hen)5. gum can stick my insides together6. lovenow that I am grown,I have discarded five.
there are things lostin transitin fickle memoryin imaginationin re-imaginingin tinted huesin the distancein lovein the lack thereofin leavingin growingin timein no time at allin gardensin hallwaysin headsin heartsyou do not fallinto these listsof too-easily-lostyet you are forever lost to me.
this noose of corona despairever-present, like dust in the air,it sometimes threatensto drop like a familiar snake, or an acquaintance visiting, withbags and baggage in tow, but Islip away, quietly, slowly;pretend there is no one home, Iwalk quietly into the garden; Ilook around hopefully -see time greening to life around me; Isense the clouds moving awaythe ground, it stays still; ...
go, my love.search forwhat you think you want -someone who loves you like I doknow you will succeed.it is no fool's errand -each day I love you less,each day you move closer to your goalthat place where old and new cross.when I am almost at the endscraping the barrel for the dregs of this love, you will find the love you seek - someone who loves you like I do.the unloving begins now -go, my love.
you are yetto drawlines betweenmy scarssee the shapethat emergesand draw parallelsand you wouldspeak of lovewe have far to journeyI am still mapping your birthmarks
you bury your face in melike you are starving I am left gaspingclawing at the sheetsyour arms gripping meheld by the hipsI am helpless,breathless, boundand then you break me
what you call serendipity is a weight inside my chestyou give me too little of you how did you learn to be so careful with yourself?watching me hurl myself into usstanding there calmly, know this -I will turn away after I break.
for the first time it doesn't scare you didn't you see my hands shake as I lit up yet another cigarette -I've been scared for weeksmy face against your chest helps me breatheyou are home, I am lostno bearings, no ground, no sky
why does falling in love feel like leaving,like being left, like abandonment?like standing in a room watching for ghostswaiting for shadows of you to fall across me again?why does falling in love feel so much like sinkingwhen it should make me want to fly?why is your falling so easy for you to containwhen I want to fold myself into the floor and cry?
another new dayI find myself freezing in another airport loungeface against the cold glasswatching the endless lights dancing in the distancethey warm the heart - flickering, fading, flaring up again...I place my wishes for you on them - love, joy, peace, time, space, bliss...somewhere a voice is callingbreaking through the memoriesit's time now to fly away again.
I did not see this joy comingit covered its tracks well –dreadful timingunwarranted absencessudden withdrawalsselfish silencesdrunken delusionsthis messy trail of clothesyou watching me, silentlyfolding themsmiling.
how will my heartlet go of you –who will tell it to?I dare not listen tothis fearful tattooit now beatsone day it will hear of youloving someone elsebreak again all at oncefor now let it hold on to youand break slowlyevery day
you are dust in your gravesand and dirtI am warm in my bedI never thought I could bear it; to think of youconsumed by wormsbut here I amalive and wellsometimes even happy