how could you not prepare for the sorrow waiting at the second turn on the left? you know these roads all lead to heartbreak how could you not know the pain being amassed at each stop in this journey spooned into the sunsets dished out at each door? that barely two turns in, the heart screws would slip off ...
the last time I lost youI found myself feverishly saving stories of how many people died that day and howI would flip through themeyes burninghands tremblingGREEDYtasting them with relishseething envyreciting their nameslusting after their deathsalmost hating themfor escapingstruck by lightning?so many! so lucky!electrocuted?how sudden, how kind!road accident?how ordinary! I'll take it!insides turned into soup by fluoride ion?a slow death, this,always ...
my mother taught me to leave when no one’s lookingwhen there is no danger of being stopped or getting caughtshe left past midnightthree children in towattempting an escapealong dark beaches, rail tracksheart pounding but I sayleave in the lightbefore being leftleave when it is least expected – that’s when no one’s looking
some morningsI wake up broken wash the blood from the sheetsafter he goesthey do not dance in the breezeor dry stiffin the hot sunbut seethe in darknessbeneath a ceiling fan swirling slowly,heavy,bearing witness to too much
sitting on your bedwatching you dressthe sound of rain around usfalling heavy, a premonitionyou turn your head sideways,slowly they emergethose knives,four long stripes whose fingernails raked your skin?why haven't theygone all the way in?dug deep into throat, slipped out jugular?let you bleed, die,spare me this sight?she has you by the throat you have me by the heart
some days are dancing on the surfaceof this mud that must drag me downsome daysare struggling to stay on topwhen the ground keeps giving waysome daysthe light struggles to break inthis fog won't lift, this darkness easemost daysare struggling through this sludgeit unfailingly reclaims what it owns
the best cigarettethe one I steal from your fingerseven as you exhalelooking at me, eyes heavy,still damp from a showerwet from your mouthand your fingersthe best cigarettethe last one before I leaveas we try to pack all of usinto those last minutesunvoiced panicfrantic calmthe best cigarettefilled with longingfills this spacein my chest when I amwithout youI need to touch youto ...
every time it’s time for youto go awayI am reminded of the linebetween sanityand drag-away-forciblymadnesshanging-by-a-threadfreedomand being locked awayunwillinglythis heartsickness nevergoes awayI keep seeing you brokenbehind those barsthis is what my nightmaresare made of
the landscape that is you is open,map-like, as I patiently look for landmarks and safe landings,opening it up behind my eyesarmed with these memories of usI will chart a course back to you,tracing again the paths I oncetraced with my tonguelove is not a good enough excusethis time I will not return for love alone; but to stealagain the heart thatyou stole
this is what you have taught me:memories aren’t as preciousas the right here and nowof your laughter; liquidsunshine playingin my earthis is what you have taught me:all the noise in my head canbe painlessly replacedwith the music ofyour words inmy mouththis is what you have taught me:it is alright to love again andwhile loving you to not know what you ...