your death was an accident but you stayed faithful to the end purposeful even in passing – rising, bloody and broken, to your knees the unbroken flow of the sign of the cross, a prayer to your father, and down, to death. at times shoes fly off in death – yours did. one hit the windshield of a car ...
when I grew upmy mother hand-stitched me a dress like a dreamlayers upon layers of silk and netgold and white and creammy stepfatherkissed me hard on the lipsand moved his tongue roughly and insistently inside my mouthsaying I was grown up now this was his giftmen who came laterthreatened to kill himgnashed their teeth andclenched their fists - yet wanted the sameand more.
I killed a fireflyit kept shining, glowingburning bioluminescent still emitting light long after it died it left a trail green gold brilliant steadfast drops burned my eyes poor baby firefly you taught me how it feels to hold light.
I am waiting for my hands to stop shaking to stop aching to stop wanting to touch you I am waiting for my skin to forget the signature of your smile I am waiting to stop shaking to breathe again to take back the heart I gave you so recklessly the first time you pulled me to you I am waiting to stop starving craving weeping shaking I am waiting to stop
I still remember how it began, this lifelong obsession with perfumes a gift from my uncle returning home after two decades away (he didn't even come back to bury his mother, you see, forever sending her letters home unread, unopened) a pack of five exquisite French perfumes I, barely 16, hooked
I always thought we would have more time that day, bleeding all over the place, washing everything including ourselves laughing at disaster when we still could you said these were the memories we'd take with us I always thought we would make more but no
let me leave you like one would a building no turning back to give it second glances, caress the curves of its arches, or linger in its doorways hesitant, longing let me leave you like that, effortlessly – step out into the light or the night at my convenience let me enter lives like one enters a train, coach, ...
how could you not prepare for the sorrow waiting at the second turn on the left? you know these roads all lead to heartbreak how could you not know the pain being amassed at each stop in this journey spooned into the sunsets dished out at each door? that barely two turns in, the heart screws would slip off ...
if you stay stilland stay silent,it will be okayyour silencemust not beassertive,nor your stillnessself-importantthey must notmake any STATEMENTsignalsubmission,then thingswill be okay,no one willhurt youthey will hurt youbut only so muchnever morethan necessary(except on special occasions)
it is slow, this stitching of life together;jaggedness everywhereI am forever reciting, remembering,reminding myself:'the blood of the covenantis thicker than the water of the womb'the fabric is stainedbut the thread is strongI fold the cloth over, resolutegather my soldiers together in tight stitchesthese new wars we will win
sitting on your bedwatching you dressthe sound of rain around usfalling heavy, a premonitionyou turn your head sideways,slowly they emergethose knives,four long stripes whose fingernails raked your skin?why haven't theygone all the way in?dug deep into throat, slipped out jugular?let you bleed, die,spare me this sight?she has you by the throat you have me by the heart
some days are dancing on the surfaceof this mud that must drag me downsome daysare struggling to stay on topwhen the ground keeps giving waysome daysthe light struggles to break inthis fog won't lift, this darkness easemost daysare struggling through this sludgeit unfailingly reclaims what it owns
the best cigarettethe one I steal from your fingerseven as you exhalelooking at me, eyes heavy,still damp from a showerwet from your mouthand your fingersthe best cigarettethe last one before I leaveas we try to pack all of usinto those last minutesunvoiced panicfrantic calmthe best cigarettefilled with longingfills this spacein my chest when I amwithout youI need to touch youto ...
I wear my watches stopped, all of them.each year my sister replaces herswith newer designs, gives me one or twothey've stopped, she says,repair them.I nod my head, wear them as they areremembering how your heart stoppedhow your heart was stopped.
I wear my watches stopped, all of them.each year my sister replaces herswith newer designs, gives me one or twothey've stopped, she says,repair them.I nod my head, wear them as they areremembering how your heart stoppedhow your heart was stopped.
I did not see this joy comingit covered its tracks well –dreadful timingunwarranted absencessudden withdrawalsselfish silencesdrunken delusionsthis messy trail of clothesyou watching me, silentlyfolding themsmiling.
I did not see this joy comingit covered its tracks well –dreadful timingunwarranted absencessudden withdrawalsselfish silencesdrunken delusionsthis messy trail of clothesyou watching me, silentlyfolding themsmiling.