As a child, December was a month I really looked forward to. The fresh Christmas tree that would go up in my father’s ancestral home with help from uncles, aunts and cousins and how we all gathered around to decorate the tree has been something I looked forward to all year through. I remember sniffing the tree several times a day as I associate the fragrance of the cyprus/pine tree with Christmas and all the wonderful memories made around Christmas. This meant new clothes and shoes to wear to church on Christmas day, Christmas cake and treats made by mom, Christmas plays at Sunday school and carols at school, visiting friends and family and simply having a ball and a month long vacation from School.
It is easy when you are a child. You are carefree and very cheerful. My expectations of Christmas presents has always been a red bicycle or a keyboard; even better if it was a piano and times things like telescopes as I am an avid star gazer. But, I knew that my parents could not afford the kind of presents I wished for as a child, they had bigger responsibilities to sustain the family. I always enjoyed whatever that I was gifted with for Christmas. I was desperate to meet Santa, to have a small discussion on how I can work towards being a better child and to negotiate to get my bicycle and the piano. But one Christmas when I was 10 years old, I saw my uncle in the santa costume quickly placing the gifts under the tree on Christmas eve. When I realized Santa did not exist afterall, I was quite sad knowing that my chances of requesting for the only two things I even wanted for Christmas was slowly but surely slipping away. However, every single year I just waited so patiently until September and then I would just be too excited for December all for the love of Christmas.
As an adult, I long to be that child, filled with excitement even if it is just at the idea of celebrating Christmas. Knowing that Santa didn’t exist and I am not going to be getting presents like I would I still want to enjoy those moments of feeling as if my heart was going to take wings and fly off. I want to feel that childish excitement listening to Christmas Carols and just enjoying the true meaning of Christmas. However, with all that has become of me and the current global situation it has become harder than I had imagined. As a very generous individual I always enjoyed shopping for Christmas presents. I had such joy hand picking presents for my loved ones and I would never get a gift for the sake of it. I would wrap them myself with such attention to detail. Last year I did the whole 12 days to Christmas and surprised someone I love very much with little tokens leading to Christmas eve and gifted a guitar. I am glad I was able to do that last year. The surprised look and his overjoyed excitement made me feel so very joyous.
Beginning of this year, I wanted to plan an overseas Christmas holiday; someplace affordable and to my budget. I was actually thinking of Nepal. I was looking forward to it from January 2020. And now it is December 2020 and I know for sure I will not be going anywhere. With all the restrictions on travel & socializing and going into public spaces, I feel miserable. I do not feel Christmassy as I normally would. But I am trying to cheer myself up by at least putting up a plastic Christmas tree tastefully decorated with what I have, make some Christmas treats, like the ones my mother used to make when I was a kid. I am trying so hard to keep my inner child excited about Christmas 2020! Pray to God that it will be a good Christmas and that I will not break anyone’s heart or step on someone’s toes.
I hope you have a lovely Christmas this year, despite all the challenges and the negative aura around the world. Let’s make the best of what we can, while we can.
I would like to hear how it has been going on with you during this Holiday Season!
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas! God bless you with lots of love and cheer!
Xx,
Dew
Photograph : Pexels
From the Heart 
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