I should have called you back

I got up
Off the floor after a half an hour conversation and you said goodbye
I didn’t want our conversation to end
So I waited till you walked home from up the street
From the telephone booth where you used to call me -10 – 15 minutes or so
That’s the time it usually took
I opened my dorm room door – millions of miles away in Kansai
The hallway was dark and frightening
Everyone was asleep
I had to go down to the lobby to make international calls
I remember it being icy cold and the elevator looking ominous – stony steel that night
I turned back – some unknown fear overtaking me
I reassured myself – it’s ok I’ll call him tomorrow
Between that time and early hours of the morning
You breathed your last
I will never forgive myself
For not walking out that door that night
Going to the lobby
Taking that call
It would have kept you alive
I can never call you again
Not today
Not tomorrow
I pick up the phone out of habit
Look at the number under your name
You are not there though
Not anymore
I can never reach you on that number
No goodbyes
Just silence
A gaping hole where you used to be
And questions that’ll never get answered
And my lifetime of regret….

 

 

Sashikala Premawardhane

22 June, 2020

 

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