You only had a few weeks to get over Mother’s Day and then came Father’s Day. Yes, after the hundreds of advertisement about buying all sorts of stupid things that your mother never wanted, we had the next deluge of junk for your dad. But the thing is, if you happen to be overseas, it’s hard to resist those efficient anything-delivering services. They’re just so convenient, so perfect for your guilt. All you have to do is to click a few buttons, type in your credit card number and lo, you’ve done your duty by your parents till next year.

While back at home, your parents will be the bemused recipients of a gaudy tangle of flowers and foliage (when what they really want is to Skype more often), a calorie-filled cake (though they’d really prefer to spend some time with their grandkids who are growing up so fast), or best of all, an all-inclusive health check for five grand at one of the money-grabbing machines we call private hospitals (when all they really need is for you to be around a bit, make them a cup of tea, and ask them how they’re feeling).

But why worry? Now we have both days set up so well, you can deal with both parents in a span of six weeks. Just send five ugly handkerchiefs for mum, and then five ugly ties for dad. A hideous handbag-shaped cake for mum, followed by a monstrous shirt-shaped cake for dad. Yes, even a tool-set and a spoon-set that will never get used.

And for a two-pronged attack of filial love, what about a unisex health check-for-TWO? After all that cake, they will certainly need it. Imagine the blurbs – you won’t be able to resist them! Get a blood sugar test-for-two after a romantic night of fasting! Take a couple-cholesterol test and find out you’re both about to have strokes together!

See, my dear Sister-in-the-States, Brother-Down-Under, how convenient it all is? Your lives can be perfect after all. You are such good, caring children, after all.