Things I want to say to you.
I miss you.Its not complicated. No ifs, buts and maybe's. Its from the bottom of my heart. I Miss You.
I don't know if I still love you.
I know I want you very much. But I don't know if I can love you like I did.
What is this?
Your doing with her? The pictures she doesn't reciprocate, the hand holding, the public displays of affection. Will someone honestly tell me if this is about you, or if this is about me.
I don't believe you.
I know you are fucking her, I know you hold her when you sleep, I know you tell her 'I Love You'. But I don't believe you. Does she?
I'm a good girl.
You never had to be 'jealous Dilan' around me, I never made you worry, You never had to defend my honour. Sure you wanted to hit inanimate objects around me, but no one ever got hurt because of me. I am a good girl, you never had to hit a man who laid claim over me. I was your good girl.
Who are you?
I though you left the drama behind when you left me.
I never got to be in a normal Girlfriend.
I never got all the things I wanted from us. I went from boss to older woman to obsessively ambitious. I never got to show your friends who I was. I feel like a dirty secret. And its not fair she gets to have you so publicly
You don't get to have this over me.
I begged you to meet. I kept a smile (ok, a semi-smile!) although I broke my phone and you left me mid-sentence. You don't get to say it was your call. You made your call the day you punched your glass door. But you still came back when I called. I made a call. I kept it. You have her. Let me have this.
I miss you inside me.
Every thought I have of love, or being made love to. Of passion. Of obsession. Its with you in it. I am still shaped to fit you, I am still untouched like you left me. Even if I can't have you, I wish I could have you in me.
I am moving on.
I see men differently. I used to recoil at their looks. I used to hate their smell distorting my senses. But I SEE them now. And they see me. I can go a whole day without thinking of you. I don't cry anymore.
Do you love me?
I didn't let you answer then. But answer now. Despite thinking the worst of me. Despite being angry at me. Despite the fact that you think I'm fine. Despite the fact that you will have to admit it.
I'm ready to hear your answer.
posted by pINKhIGHhEELS @ 2:10 AM
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