I keep finding myself sleeping pressed against the wall on the right side of a double bed I’ve spent most of my life sleeping on, indiscriminately. I was once even accused of sleeping on it like I accidentally fell off a tall building and onto it, or with my extra long legs tucked into that comfortable gap in the mattress and the end.. now. Well..

What a difference a few months can make.

For the past couple of months He spent every weekend and odd weekday sleeping on the left side of the bed. He had a designated place of accomodation when he was in colombo, but it wasn’t home, neither was it a welcome place. I wanted to give him that, a place he was welcome, with no rules and regulations for conduct. Just simply be him… the silly boy I was falling in love with. He wanted that too. But like I keep saying, he didn’t fully grasp my thinly veiled intentions. Silly boy, he really was.

Even if I was on it or not, he always slept on the left. I’d do the honorable thing and sleep in the other bedroom if he’s staying the night, then wait till daylight to slip into the right side at first by necessity because my mum kept me up all night with her incessant snoring, but then… i liked sleeping right next to him. I’d wake up a little later and we’d be all legs tangled and warm on a cold rainy colombo sunday. Or I’d wake up mumbling my protest at answering his phone or my phone and he’ll just cut the call and tumble back into the big hug thats put a smile on my hidden face.

Its been almost a month since the pseudo-break up. Things suck less is the best way to put it. But I still find myself getting to the right side of my bed on instinct, waking up with a hand strewn across where he should be.