I am posting this article to my little daughter who is still 1 year and 9 months old, knowing the fact that she is still not able to read this or understand any of these. Yet I am certain one fine day she will read this and realise how she was brought up by her parents.
Most of these experiences may well be quite normal to every parent, but there are some instances where my disability had put me in trouble in this regard.

My darling Duwar Yenuli,

As I had mentioned in one of my previous postings, I had told your mother even before we were married that I am not going to have any children as raising a child would be a difficult process for me due to the disability. I still remember your mother then told me that she would like to have at least one child, but if I don’t want she could endure it.

My dear daughter, I must tell you why I didn’t want a child, it is mainly because I wouldn’t want to see my daughter labelled as “ that is so and so and her father is blind”. Providing security, taking you here & there, playing with you are some of the other concerns I had though they seem like minor matters.

My assumptions have already been proven right. You don’t like to stay with me unless your mother is around, that means you have no confidence in me. I know that you are still too young to understand your father’s condition, as I don’t play with you the way you want me to, not running around with you, not responding to your action and gestures. You may probably feel that I am not interested about you. Surely you will understand who I am in due course, it will take some time. But when you realise that society will add more pressure on you, people will stare at us when we move about, perhaps it may cause you embarrassment. Even your mother has that pressure, particularly from her own sister and mother too. They still say that she has put her family in shame by marrying a blind person. They still afraid that their relatives and neighbours will get to know about her marrying a blind person. In spite of all the pressure, your mother I believe never regrets marrying me. You should be strong enough to handle this situation, as your mother stood by me. It is not difficult, only thing you need is confidence, you should not worry about what others think, there is no way that we can change the way others think of us, you should mind your own business and achieve your life goals. That’s the way your father thinks, it is how I succeeded in life.
I am sure that you could be proud of being a daughter to a war veteran who has sacrificed his precious eyes to safeguard your motherland. If somebody asks, you can tell them that it is thanks to your farther they can move about in this beautiful island without any problem.

People often assume that our children are given a lot of extra responsibilities that they are expected to grow up fast and help take care of us. Under those circumstances, being the daughter of a blind father would surely be a burden on you. It’s only a burden if we start depending on our kids to do more than their fair share. So, I’ll try to never be a burden to you, neither to your mother, any relatives or friend. It is true that I need help in some instances due to my disability, I am sure Sri Lanka Army & SL Government will look after me, not only your father, most of other war heroes who had become disabled while safeguarding your country are already being looked after through project such as Abimansala. This is the time that nobody can spare their time for someone else, so when your time comes, it would be more difficult for you as well, probably in 15 to 20 years time. So I am not going to put any pressure on you.

My dear daughter you should learn the skills, gain knowledge and develop positive attitudes rather than depending on parents abilities to live your life. You are an individual character, we are there just to facilitate you to grow, will educate you, will teach you the values of our culture, by birth you have inherited Buddhism, sure you will not regret about it, as it shows the path to a modest but fulfilling life, It is the path that I follow. So far nothing has worked against me, and I have no enemies. I always believe, you are an independent human being, so you should have a right to do whatever you want to do. At this stage I’ll guide you, let you experiment and learn, but I’ll make sure that I’ll never come to poke my nose into your matters when you are grown up.

Dear daughter, you must know why I changed my idea and had you. It is mainly due to the pressure exerted on your mother by society, particularly from my family and office environment. I must tell you nobody pushed me on it except your mother; she said that it is because of the external pressure that she had insisted me to do so. So ultimately I had to change my mind after having thought of your mother and future of our wedded life.

Few months later, I was told that you were conceived and it had brought us lots of joy. Since then we have begun to love you so much. Subsequently you have caused lots of changes within your mother, nausea, moodiness and cravings became such a regular occurrence. The new situation was informed to the midwife and she started a chart to mark your development in the womb. Your mother started gaining weight and her huge belly wiggled with your life. There were hours that your mother spent by being just fascinated by your movements and one day she let me touch her belly and allowed me to feel that you were moving in side. It made me so thrilled of realising that you were really there and alive. In the meantime, we had channeled Dr. Sanjeewa Padumadasa (VOG) of the Ragama hospital and regularly went all the way to Ragama for clinics. One day doctor did a scan and said we have a baby girl. To be honest, I had no idea whatsoever what kind of baby I wanted, so that information didn’t cause any changes within us, I hope your mother too didn’t have any particular choice at that time.
Every now and then, your mother came up with complaints, more often than not, she has found some faults with my mother and also with her office mates, she always tended to hold the wrong end of the stick. When I discussed this development with one of my friends, she advised me that I should act as a punching bag. During pregnancy mothers tend to change a lot not only in physical but also psychologically due to the hormonal changes, so their moods tend to shift and tend to be more emotional as well. Some of her behavioural patterns and my mother’s comments on them had created some awkward situations at times. In certain situations I was quite helpless, I can neither take my wife’s side nor my mother’s side, so, every time I got sandwiched in between.
Whatever said and done, Your Kiri amma and Attha (My parents) did support your mother quite a lot, but sometimes they too had some issues. My little daughter, to tell you frankly, I too had lost my cool some time, but didn’t let it go beyond the limits.

Most relatives, neighbours and friends brought meals for your mother as it is a practice in our society. We went to the temple whenever possible; allowed you to listen to pirith during most evenings. As a Buddhist practice “Angulimala Piritha” was chanted at the temple, prior to the delivery as well.

Amidst of all those things life had moved on. Month by month went by, the day for the delivery dawned, your mother was admitted to hospital, you were not born on the schedule day, your mother was so anxious about it, so annoyed with me as well, always complained that she could not stay in hospital, if I don’t take any action she would jump out of the window, her behaviour had caused enormous pressure within me, then I managed to contact the doctor (VOG) through a friend of mine and a caesarean operation was arranged.

My dear daughter, you were born in the afternoon of 13th July 2011, I was informed about your arrival to this world by your mother on the phone, I reached the hospital, so proudly, but anxiously, at the visiting hour. I touched your feet and arms, you had long hair, you had grown well. I felt a huge relief. I felt bit sad as I was unable to see you even though your mother told me that you look like me.

On the same day, few relatives and friends came to see you, including my parents, you were in good health, but your mother was not well yet after the surgery. On the following day your mother’s parents too came to see you, it was the 3rd time I met them, they asked whether we could handle the baby at my house at Dankotuwa, I said yes.

A couple of days later you were discharged from the hospital but mother wasn’t as she had got fever due to an infection. Thereby you both had to stay at hospital for a few more days. In the meantime, I emailed your birth details to Mrs. Samanthi Ahubudu to get a suitable name, she sent me a list of names to choose from, Yenuli and Yethmini was picked by me and your mother and your name was registered as Yenuli Yethmini Yapa. All three words start with Y, hope you don’t mind it.

I had to attend to all your requirements on my own while fulfilling the official commitments too. At that time I was working at Ranaviru Sevana Ragama, I had to get meals prepared from the camp for your mother, your mother’s clothes and yours had to be washed and ironed, had to visit the hospital thrice a day, had to listen to all the grievances, had to provide all necessary things to you and your mother, talk to doctors and find solutions. In fact it was not easy at all. I was really tired, but did it with pride. The soldiers who were with me helped me a lot particularly on traveling. Meantime, your mother lost her cool, her leg got swollen, she couldn’t sleep, her bed was given to you, and your mother sat an entire day on a chair while you were sleeping happily on the hospital bed. There was a basket fixed to the bed to keep the baby, but your mother didn’t keep you there, In a few days time your mother started to make lots of complaints, began to cry whenever I visited, she said she couldn’t bear it anymore, if I don’t do anything she would run away from the hospital, I just kept quiet. I had taken every possible method to console her, your mother’s infection wasn’t a serious one but she wasn’t discharged until it was completely over. Some public holidays too came in between, so that made things worst as well. So I finally took a decision to get her discharged against medical opinion and took both of you home. Your mother had to stay in 14 days at a stretch, it was in deed a difficult thing for anybody.
My dear daughter, I’ll write more about your development at a later time.
Darling, I wish you all the very best.

Your beloved father…
Click following link to see a video of Yenuli and Dushyantha at home…