BubbleButt

I wake up at 8am, to sea gulls and a sea captain screaming ‘ARRRE you ready kids???’ The kids scream back; ‘Aye aye, captain!!’ The captain jovially yells – ‘ I can’t heaaaarrrr youuu!!!’ Yes, the Spongebob theme song is my alarm.

I’m up early on a Sunday, because I have to come in to office to finish some freelance work I’ve been procrastinating and putting off. I have no issues with working overtime, because as it is I work something like 3 jobs. Or something. I dunno, I lose count sometimes. So I get busy, making a lunch of maggie noodles and chillie paste to take with me, and in the meantime, I call a Meter Taxi.

Sigh. Meter Taxis. I know, right? We’re all raving about how they’re a God-send, and OMG what was life like before? Fuck. I don’t even know. But lately, I’ve been noticing a trend. The drivers seem lost in Colombo! And even THAT would be ok, if they could follow simple directions – but for some of them, it’s all just Greek.

I remember telling my particular tuk tuk driver how to get to my house. He never called me back. So when I called him again, he asks me for directions again, and I oblige. I am now running late. I wait. And wait. And wait some more. I’m annoyed. I call him back. He asks me for directions yet again. I almost lose my shit, but nevertheless, I tell him again. He hangs up. After about 7 minutes I call him again as I’m walking to the top of the road, and he finally hands the phone to someone else on the road and that poor soul directs him to my lane. Trying hard to bite my tongue, I climb in the trishaw and we get going.

I have a bad temper. And once I was safely inside the Tuk, and en route, I realized that I wanted to give this poor man a ‘Kaney’ for no reason. Except being late, but wtf, it’s Sunday. I shouldn’t be this mad. Maybe it’s because I was up late last night or something? I don’t know. I kept thinking to myself in the most loving voice possible, ‘Bubblebutt, just think happy thoughts, you’ll need em to get in the creative zone, you know? So just… stay positive.’ But I couldn’t. I kept on OBSESSING, man, and I was heading down a rocky road that led straight to the temple of depression. I needed coffee. Yes, that would help. Mc Donalds was on the way. Coffee safely in my hand, we turn out of the Mc Stop, hit a rut and my precious coffee spills all over my outstretched hand and my thigh.  “It BURRRNSSS!!!!!” This time I really did lose my shit, but like a man who’s about to die and sees his life flash before his eyes in a split second, a series of memories and thoughts flashed before my eyes (which had gone temporarily blind due to scalding coffee on my skin). I remembered watching The Secret, and how getting out of bed and stubbing your toe could trigger one negative though, that would lead to another, and the negative energy would make more negative scenarios manifest in your life and I was like – ‘O_O. Bitch, you better start having good thoughts RIGHT NOW. ‘

My skin burning, I made my way to office without much of an issue, after picking up the office keys, and when I got here, they key wouldn’t unlock the padlock. I nearly sat on the ground and wept. I mustered all the positivity I could and jangled the lock for a while longer, and Voila – it opened! A Miracle! It was all i needed. I stepped in to office, shut the door, and rested my forehead against it for 5 seconds and exhaled. Within the confines of the office, I was safe. Like a little kid who thought that his blanket would protect him from the monsters, I too thought that inside the office, the negativity couldn’t get to me. Hopefully.

Now I’m off to work. I’m off to a shitty start, but hey, it can’t get any worse. Have a good Sunday, you guys.