Mariana to Everest

Oct 1, 2011.

Wayfarer’s journal – day 1

Welcome to the abyss.

The darkness can be comforting, and if you stay here long enough, you might just start to like it.

No one is here to see you at your weakest other than the people who love you enough to crawl into your hole with you and stay there hoping you’ll be ready to walk back into the light again.

But they can’t stay with you forever, because this place you’ve allowed yourself to descend to isn’t comfort, its merely an unhealthy comfort zone which doesn’t even allow you to see yourself and how much there is still left to be loved. The longer you wallow in the darkness and keep the people who willingly walked in hostage, even their ability to see you for who you are can diminish. Its hard to breathe here and unless you’re here to die, no one can stay for too long.

You stay, because its easier than climbing back out again. They can’t, because this place has begun to erase the very love that brought them to you in the first place.

They grope around in an unfamiliar darkness trying to keep their own footing while still trying to hold on to you and not leave you here alone. In turn, you drive them to the brink of madness until they can’t even see the love the had for you anymore.

It sucks you dry, this cold, dark, pseudo-comforting place. She wraps her cold hands around you, implies that she is the comfort you have so long sought and then starts to kill you, slowly, like a snake bite, paralyzing each of your faculties one after the other. And she’s beautiful, just as deepest portion of your pain can always be. But try to look around you when the occassional, rare beam of sunlight grazes across your half-closed eyelids for a moment – even mermaids don’t roam this far down. No life can survive here and unless you are willing to make one tiny step back up, every last functioning faculty within you will cease to exist and you will never see the light of day again.

But which way is up? Sometimes what seems like a genuine effort to pick yourself up tends to lead you further down. You’re on a slope and they they tend to be slippery. Just when you think you can’t go any lower, you find yourself at an all new depth and wonder how it is that you got here. You’re in an abyss, a black hole that knows nothing of space or time. Normal rules don’t apply here, and climbing up out of this place is probably going to be harder than the reasons that got you here in the first place.

Here’s some hope for the journey that’s about to be embarked on – those rare few of us who fearlessly walk through out of this well of darkness will be very ones blessed enough to see more than merely the light of day. The mundane aren’t sent into the abyss, my darling, the divine are.