“Thank god..You are here finally..” Roxanne said,when she saw me coming to the party at Cassie’s place…It was a small fancy party with few couple of people…I saw guys and girls rushing to the barbeque..They looked so happy and cheerful….

I gave my friends a smile while checking whether my dress is okay.. It was a short red frock and it was suiting perfectly for the occasion

I turned around and searched for William,But I couldn’t find him.. “Hey where’s William..I should talk with him” I said while taking a handful of popcorn from the popcorn bowl,which Stephanie brought with her..

“I don’t know man..This party is boring…” Roxanne said with a crunchy voice..

“Hey let’s get inside..It’s hot here…Maybe we can find William and the other friends there” Stephanie suggested…

We went up the garden path, crazy paving leading us past a hedge and a solitary rosebush to a pebble dashed facade. We rang the doorbell, and the door was opened by a girl.

“Hey welcome…” She said with a cheerful voice…

For my amazement she was good,unlike Cassie..

“I’m Cassie’s sister…Jennifer.. You guys must be her friends right?”

Three of us nodded…

“C’mon Almost all have arrived now..” She said while leading us to a room..and it was their KITCHEN! Hell that was terrible..we were her visitors and she was taking us to their kitchen… Non of speak anything..we followed her like puppets…

We saw so many familiar faces inside the house and they all were UNI students… They were enjoying themselves…Some of them were dancing and talking.. I narrowed my eyes in-order to see whether William was among them..But still I was unable to find him…

“Want some beer” Jennifer asked pointing some beer cans on the kitchen pantry..

“Feel free to take what you want..Give me few minutes I want to check whether all are fine here..”

When Jennifer was gone,Roxy started talking..

“Man..This is weird..I must take a beer now..”

I didn’t like beer, not back then. I went off to see if there was something I wanted to drink. On the kitchen table stood a large bottle of Coca-Cola, and I poured myself a plastic tumblerful, and I didn’t dare say anything to them because I was thinking about William..

Cassie’s house was deeper than it looked, larger and more complex than the two- up two- down model I had imagined. The rooms were under-lit — I doubt there was a bulb of more than 40 watts in the building…It looked so overwhelming..

“Hey let’s take a look around here…I really hate this now..I mean no one is caring about us..All are in their own worlds” Steffi complained

“Yah..Now jennifer is missing too” I said with a depressed voice..

“Cheer up guys..Don’t think like that..Let’s get out from here and let’s join with the other guys” Roxy said.. and It was the only thing which we had to do..

We walked steadily into the living room, which was across the hall from the room where the people were dancing, and I sat down on a sofa in a corner. There was a boy sitting there already. He had dark hair, spooky, and a nervous manner.

“I love being a tourist,” he said, and smiled hesitantly. he had a glass of coca-cola and he sipped the tap water as if he were an adult sipping a fine wine. “The last tour, we went to sun, and we swam in gunfire pools with the whales. We heard their histories and we shivered in the chill of the outer places, then we swam  deep where the heat churned and comforted us.

I shrugged and stared at him.. “Who are you?” Though I wanted to ask,I gave him a tight smiled and nodded..

“Do you believe in super natural things?” He questioned

“Like what?” I asked

“Like me…” He gave me a weird reply..

Realizing the joke..I laughed..And it was a fake laugh..!!! I was feeling so awkward with the guy,but I pretended like I’m fine…We were sitting close at the center of the sofa now.Suddenly he put an arm around me, but casually. I gasped and Stood up from the sofa..

“I think I gotta go now..Because I’m searching for someone”

Before the guy speak a word..I hurried ghastly to another room.. Suddenly I remembered Steffi and Roxy..

I started searching for them everywhere But they were missing…and I realized that I have lost my way on a dark corridor…

For an eternally long time I kept walking through the corridor and found a large door in a corner.. I grabbed the door ball and it opened easily..

“Whoa..another entrance..” I said while pushing the door…

For my amazement the room was filled with music and people..It looked so dark just like a stripping club..Guys and girls were dancing and chilling with each other..I saw some of them kissing each other and sucking themselves like animals..It was a disgusting picture to look at… I ignored them and walked towards the room..Guys and girls went rushing others like they have never seen a party before…

“Is this a hidden place..” I murmured to my self… “Maybe this place is for Cassie’s special friends…Which means I can find William here”

With that happy thought I walked towards… and caught up them in a corner..! C-A-S-S-I-E and W-I-L-L-I-A-M

I was stuck – terribly dumbfounded as I saw them kissing. I mean, it was not the first time I saw them making out, no. I’d seen it several times. But the feelings from having them, just before my eyes, ROMANCING!

It was somehow painful like I was being stabbed over and over right in the same spot – and it hurts.
I tried to get a hold of my self, I tried not to give a damn about it and just acted usual, but – It was just, hard.

It wasn’t just because of the kiss that upsets me, it was just, when I looked at them, they were just perfect and seemed like made for each other, like, they were meant to be.

And so that I felt like a loser. A poor rotten loser.

I no longer could think anymore.

Yet, I only had a space to think back at my foolishness which even thought in the slightest moment that he might have, he would just…

God, I wish I didn’t have this goddamn feelings for him whatsoever – It was killing me.

For my unlike, I saw William caught me,watching them!.I wanted to cry loudly…But I knew I couldn’t.

All I did was running out from the room…

I could not bear liking him more than I already am. Moreover when I knew that I would never have him, moreover that I’d seen those intimate scenes which proved that he liked Cassie so much that he cares about her so much, that…

…It hurts.

Now I knew love could be so much painful. In abrupt they came to me, blocking all the senses that left, making me all happy and smiley like a total idiot. They took me away, show me how it feels to live in heaven. But then, in abrupt also they crashed me down to hell.
I was fully aware, when I first discovered this feelings, that I might be at risk. Since then, I’ve had this gigantic burden on my back for years.

There was no way, there would be no way for him to know. Even for the slightest clue.

*********************************************************************

Next day I went to university, uneasy and heavy-hearted I stepped down the porch, and had to see the same spot which made my heart-broken last night. I sighed like I’d been holding my breath all night, I could not fall asleep either – my brain kept working, it could not stop replaying every single details, that I had not such a wink.

Not everybody knows how it feels to love their own friend. It was great, yet complicated as well. In my case, it was not great and more than complicated.

“Yesterday the party was useless… You didn’t eat anything Jazz… That soup was disgusting…” Stephanie started her usual complains again..But I had no any mood to answer her questions..But How could I tell them that I was a broken kid..Because of seeing Cassie and William KISSING each other…They will call me a prankster.. Because almost all knew that Cassie and William are closed ones..So kissing each other was not a big problem for them..Also they have already became lovers with that incident….

I couldn’t think of anything anymore..I decided to avoid William talking with me..

Till the lunch time..I didn’t see William…I was so happy and feeling good with that..

After the lunch I decided to go to the library…

Just when I passed the science lab,on the way to the library..I saw William coming towards me…

“Oh, crap,” I moaned.

I really didn’t feel like meeting him right now, let alone talk to him! I just found it better for me to breathe without any guilty and without feeling burdened for just even thinking about him, – for god’s sake!

But now, there he was standing in front of me, towering me.

My heart stung at the sight of how irresistably good-looking he was. His disheveled hair, his grayish eyes, his lips, his broad chest…

Oh, I was for sure needed help.

“Jazz,” He called my name flatly.

“yap,” I sighed.

“Well…Thanks for coming last night..”

Staring at him almost made me burst in tears. It was easier if he ignored me. That way I could easily walked out of his life and so was he. Before it’s too late. Before I determined and got hurt more than I deserved, more than all the tormenting thoughts that he could never be mine. Even facing the fact that he had a girlfriend, I still liked him.

I infuriated myself though, that I was in love with him. I felt so bad because he already found what’s best for him, a perfect girlfriend for every matters.

He finally realised that I’d been staring at him, he looked up at me and smiled.
He drew back his hand hesitantly and ran his fingers through his hair.

“My pleasure” I said turning away from him…

“Hey hey..Where are you going huh?” William said loudly…

“I..I..I..just have some home works….I’ll catch you later” I said while running through the corridor,away from him..and he never knew that I ran away because I WAS DIEING INSIDE…!