Of relationships, men…and other things in general

I havent had the urge to write here in a very long time.  Realized that I think of this as some kind of journal.  The anonymity helps. And the resulting comments – interesting!

The last 3 months have been crazy.  I was bored awith life and relationships  – and met this man who thought the same as me – and we decided to have a 2 week committed fling! What this means is that we both knew we had no relationship future ( for certain reasons) but we would be committed to each other for the 2 weeks we signed up for.  So it was a brilliant 2 weeks – we both talked so much, more than either of us had in years. And strangely we trusted each other so much that the most intimate of stores were shared.   The two weeks came to an end – and we made a decision to stay friends ( with benefits) and to contact each other when eiether of us felt the benefits were required!

Things didnt exactly go according to plan though…we ended up staying in touch…calling each other constantly…and although we had separate lives, the intense conversations led  to us being aware of every detail in each other’s lives….it was like being 16 again…calling to say good morning, texting to say good night….keeping in touch during the day….keeping each other informed of our whereabouts….explaining why one had to go out for a drink on a particular night!

Reality hit this weekend – when we both realised we were getting way closer than we should…and this was becoming something way more than jut friends with benefits!  So – the decision was made to stop the intense personal-ness of conversations, in order to ensure we have a friendship to build up on in future.  We didnt want the intesntiy to get to such a level that it peaked and it ended up with one or the both of us getting so hurt that we didnt  wnat to stay in touch anymore…

I dont regret anything that has happened…spending the last couple of months with this person made me really happy, and I am so glad that he came into my life.  It is sad that we now have to make a conscious effort NOT to stay in touch – but I know it is for the best…and I would rather do this than not have him in my life in future as a friend…the open honest friendship  we shared was the defining factor for us….

So from tomorrow – the phone is not going to be ringing incessantly, I am not going to wear my fingers out sending a million text messages. 

Am I sad? I dont know.  i was sad yesterday. shed a couple of tears on his shoulder actually, which I hope he didnt see!  Expected to wake up today with the familiar feeling of apprehension which usually follows such things – but woke up feeling surprisingly light headed and emotionless….which I think is a good thing…need to make a effort not to let myself get low again… I think I can do it….I have to…..