nothing much has changed….

Its been a year since I started this blog and I am in two minds. Part of me is really glad I started this as its something i wanted to do for awhile.  The other part wants to kick my ass – as I dont think I have done half as much with the blog as I planned to.  There were supposed to be weekly updates, emotions, shared views….whereas I think I just ended up using it as a place to vent.   Which I guess its ok – as I did write something.

Although single and feeling a bit lonely these days, Christmas was turning out to be kind of ok ; and last week I heard that my recent ex is madly in love and going to be engaged soon. Enter craziness into my life! He is a really nice guy, the nicest I have ever met, and I so dont want him back and truly wish him all the best….we even managed to stay friends all this time…but the moment I heard this news, its like all thoughts of charity and goodwill just flew out of my head.  I was just plain jealous.  Not jealous of their relationship  or of his new girlfriend, but just jealous that he  ‘found someone’ first…jealous that he is happy at Christmas time and I am alone…jealous that things have changed for him and nothing much has changed for me….just jealous…I have never been a posessive person and I never thought of myself as a mean person…but the way I reacted to this news was just so selfish and awful…I think my reaction made me sadder than the actual news I was reacting to!!

So this is why im glad I have this blog….I can admit to things my ego would usually not let me to…