Letting Go

I feel like a pair of blue butterfly wings
fragile
the pigment scattering at the slightest flutter
the skin tearing at the slightest touch

I feel like a thin windowpane
transparent
breakable

I feel like I’m looking out through that thin windowpane
looking at nothing, staring into space with dead eyes
woe tangled in my eyelashes
like a thousand constellations
a crescent scar and a bruised heart

I feel lost
the map expands beneath the skin at my wrist
blue, snaking, throbbing
leading me to myself but I know not how to read it
I’m lost among these tangling streets
they all look the same to me

I feel small and delicate
like I would crumble into pieces if you talked too loud
I can feel the wisps of breath that enter me through my nose
and I can feel the rise and fall of my chest
These little things that I crave so bad to lose
I feel it all
And I was so close to letting go

I was so close to letting go,
as I held it in my clenched fist
this dark soul that they call death
I cradled it and felt it squirm inside my hand
and I came so close to swallowing it
But I didn’t,
but I couldn’t
And I wore that jewel in my eyes as I told my mother how frail I was
My eyes must have glistened like two oceans that once loved the moon
but not anymore

I will myself not to see, I will myself not to feel
I’m dew at the end of the torn leaf
one breath away from letting go

Copyrights © Senali Perera 24.8.2015 3:55 PM