I think love is based on action and reaction. I think it has very little to do with the appearance of an individual, one's personality or any other trait in the long run of things. While the above mentioned factors are applicable to short trice, I think long lasting affection is based on one's reaction to the other human being, the kindness and the attention shown, the amount of respect and regard that one has for another.
As someone who's had her fair share of long term relationships, I think I am entitled to these opinions.
As someone who's had her fair share of long term relationships, I think I am entitled to these opinions.
It was while playing with my dog yesterday that this thought first struck me. It was after 3 whole days that he had seen me and his enthusiasm, his affection in general was overflowing; snuggling up to me and then toppling me over to lick and bite and poke at with his nose, not quite knowing what to do with himself in a fluster of excitement. This show of affection was and will always be, contagious. He is, as all the other dogs who have been in my life, one of those very few things I cherish in life, maybe even more so. But why do I love him so? Would I love him the same if he ignored me? Would I love him the same if he acted vicious towards me? I don't think so. I would be patient for a limited period of time, trying my best to love him, but I would have soon sunk into indifference. Such is the nature of a human being.
People have different priorities, but speaking from a personal angle, appearance had never been a priority for me. It had not even been secondary or tertiary. Of course personality is what had always attracted me but it is how one reacts to me which becomes the crucial, retaining factor. Experience has confirmed that all the charisma in the world would not do if one does not respect, treat with attentive kindness and allow me to be myself with him without inhibition. This, I think is the secret to any lasting relationship.
A younger me - a stubborn idealist, used to believe in 'unconditional love'. But an older, more exposed me wonders if there really exists an 'unconditional love' in this modern day and age. As per my notion, if not anything else, there will always be one condition; love and respect in return. Without these, how long can one's affections last? How much disrespect and indifference will one put up with before deciding to move away? We are all human after all.
Whether one acknowledges it or not, the universe does revolve around oneself. Human beings are innately selfish and one tends to only invest in things if one gets a similar return. This goes against all romantic notions of love, but this is the stark reality as I see it. Where does romantic love end and practical relationships begin? One often tends to confuse one with the other and get lost among the two as a result.
People get into relationships for various reasons; loneliness - all your friends have settled down and you are feeling left out, Financial security, the glitz and the glamour, social pressure & biological clock issues, Super Hero/Heroine complex- the need to 'rescue' someone (a younger me is plenty guilty of this but an older and hopefully wiser me have decided to only stick to rescuing stray puppies. Those who want to be saved will save themselves. It is not up to me to save the world). But how many of us have gotten into a relationship because the other person really clicks or truly resonates with you? That kind of relationship is rare and will be the ONLY relationship that will truly make one happy right through one's life.
Which takes me back to my very first point - the reaction. While like-minded individuals who just 'click' are a rarity, those who will give you the respect, the kindness, love and attention that you deserve are even rarer. Whatever said and done, love and relationships are two very different things. The two do meet on very rare occasions and when they do, one is wise to hold on to it. Love does not always end in relationships and relationships are not always based on love. And god knows we rarely marry the ones we love. But where does this vicious circle end or begin?
They do say that the best kind of love is love unrequited, pure and untainted by reality. But I think real love, as raw and crude as it comes, is the best and lasting kind.
Oh I dunno. Just my tuppence on love post-Valentine's Day.
People get into relationships for various reasons; loneliness - all your friends have settled down and you are feeling left out, Financial security, the glitz and the glamour, social pressure & biological clock issues, Super Hero/Heroine complex- the need to 'rescue' someone (a younger me is plenty guilty of this but an older and hopefully wiser me have decided to only stick to rescuing stray puppies. Those who want to be saved will save themselves. It is not up to me to save the world). But how many of us have gotten into a relationship because the other person really clicks or truly resonates with you? That kind of relationship is rare and will be the ONLY relationship that will truly make one happy right through one's life.
Which takes me back to my very first point - the reaction. While like-minded individuals who just 'click' are a rarity, those who will give you the respect, the kindness, love and attention that you deserve are even rarer. Whatever said and done, love and relationships are two very different things. The two do meet on very rare occasions and when they do, one is wise to hold on to it. Love does not always end in relationships and relationships are not always based on love. And god knows we rarely marry the ones we love. But where does this vicious circle end or begin?
They do say that the best kind of love is love unrequited, pure and untainted by reality. But I think real love, as raw and crude as it comes, is the best and lasting kind.
Oh I dunno. Just my tuppence on love post-Valentine's Day.
2 comments:
Well If you have a dog you probably know what unconditional love is ( i meant from the dog's side :D ) I believe that humans are incapable of it.
Oh yes, that I do know. And I am glad that at least dogs are around to show us humans what unconditional love is. Also, certain parents - not all. I know that now :)
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