Monday, December 28, 2009

Sleep through your sixteenth

Dear Me,

16 isn't a good year for you. Sleep through it. Stay away from the cough syrup, we will never be able to account for a week of our life because of it. We could have been raped Fool. Stay away from a boy named Shayne. Scratch that. We are so much wiser for it. But be more discreet for God's sake. Not everyone will believe that you only kissed him in that van. You don't love him, and he will never, ever love you, and no that ranch in Nuwara Eliya will not exist. There will be no chickens in that ranch. No he will not stay sober long enough to love you. And no he will never be faithful.

You know that time he turned around to see if you had crossed the road and came back for you? If won't happen again. ever. Stop waiting around for him because of that one act of kindness. Those rebellious cigarettes you smoke will leave you with no period for months. It will also reveal you have cystic ovaries. You will never be as thin as you are now. Enjoy it brat.

Two years of your life will consist of heavy metal, minor self mutilation, dodgy little smoking joints, silent treatment from you father and a boyfriend who will call you a slut when he is high. If you meet a lady named Maureen. Tell her to take a hike. God loves you. Yes You. He is not punishing you for being stupid. Condemnation is what you let it be.

That school is no good for you, hang out wit a guy you will later call Baby. He is the One. Yes really. We just have to ignore the fact that he has bad clothes. We sort it out later. He will not love you at first. Fight for him. He is worth it.

at 19 he will ask you out, say 'no' please, because 5 years later you will break his heart. You have to say 'no'. His heart is not to be broken, do you hear me? Tell him to wait. But kiss him first. Be his friend. You can still tell him what to wear. If you are anything like me, and you are, you will pursue him with little shame. If you are successful, don't go to a dark place in Dehiwala, you will scar him for the rest of his life, yes you in that foetal position rocking back and forth saying 'you raped me'. He didn't, you were just horny. Yes, you are still a virgin. Yes even now as I write this. We did good didn't we? ;)

Your Grandmother is not invincible, she will die, it doesn't affect us much, because to you and I she will always be alive. Not because we keep her memory alive and all that shit but because we can't deal with the fact that she is dead. So we pussyfoot around and keep believing morbid thoughts and talking to her in our dreams. Visit her while she is alive, yes she isn't who she used to be, its called a stroke, she can't be what you want her to be, accept her the way she is. You know she did that for you.

Don't be such a drama queen at your first job, stay away from a Singaporean girl, she will break your heart, stop wearing you heart on your sleeve. That's how we get called a slut. Stay away from an angry girl who listens to classic rock, she will never understand your soul, and she will believe the lies of others. Love an Indian girl, she is beautiful in every way, you will want to kiss her, don't. There will be other girls you will kiss, 3 in fact and no you are not a lesbian. You were just high. Learn as much as you can, don't be so lazy. and don't make out in the archive room. Don't hate Mary Sunshine, she is misunderstood. Ok if we must hate her, its only because we are jealous. Stop being so jealous, you have a lot of things she doesn't have, namely those knockers of yours.

Stop being so goddamn judgemental on your second job, you're not better than anyone else, and you don't do squat, leave as soon as possible, or you will become old and jaded and spend a lot of money of sushi.

Love a Nutty. She is not your best friend, but she will be you moral compass, your guiding light and will love Taylor Dane as much as you do. Love a Suppa. He has a crush on you, so don't lead him on.

At your third job, Don't get cosy in one place, you will have to leave and the Two you love can do nothing to stop it. Don't make out with your assistant, she will feel bad the next day. You won't, because you have not soul. Yes, our soul will be engulfed in nicotine, marijuana and white rum, yes you will be a badass not because you are a badass but because you were self-righteous and judgmental for too long.

Stay away from H. Don't get his number, don't call him and for GOD'S SAKE, DON'T EFFING TAKE HIM TO THE PARTY ON THE BEACH. Life with an amazing man will end. Yes it will end. And if you are tempted to keep having your cake and eating it. Don't. You will get very sick.

Love is a commitment not a feeling. Don't kid yourself H is not just your booty call, because you will fall in love with him, and you will cheat on the Baby man. And he won't even love you back. And worse HE'S FUCKING MARRIED. (Yes, he will forget to mention that). You may not lose The Baby, but he will never look at you the same again.

Don't plan you wedding at 23, it will suffocate you. Don't go get that tattoo.... it peels of and looks nasty and hurts like hell.

Don't hate your parents, just don't seek their approval so much that you have no opinions of your own and don't spill you guts out when your hormonal.

There is no such thing as closure, boys won't give you closure, you just have to make up your mind that its over. Don't combust until you tell everyone that you like a guy. That's how we get called a slut.

Finally, your not a slut, your not ugly and no the drama in your life is not their fault. Its ours, we are drama junkies. We hurt the people we love and they hurt us, don't whine about it. Go to church, working so hard will make you sick. God loves you.

I love you, really.

We are more than this, we will find love,
we must just stop and breathe and remember that although we can see life through our eyes only, there is a life out there, people aren't biding their time to reveal their Martian selves, vampires don't exist, so we can't fall in love with one. Stop making out with your pillow, stop cussing and for God's sake don't keep cutting you hair every time you get your period.

Good Luck kid, you're going to need it.

N

2 Comments:

At 3:15 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

you make out with your pillow too?? :P
Aney i love this post! ample tear jerkers and LOL moments, and u made it flow. you write well!
and P.S i love you ;)

 
At 10:19 PM , Blogger RAP said...

I love this post! Very well written!

 

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