Government responds maturely to criticism Government spokesman Keheliya Rambukwella responded today to UN Humanitarian Affairs Chief John Holmes’ concerns about the safety of humanitarian workers by alleging that Mr. Holmes’ comments were part of a vast international conspiracy against the Mahinda Rajapakse administration. “We have suspected for a while that the world was out to get us – how else do ...

Country rejoices patriotically over liberation of the East Cities throughout Sri Lanka overflowed with patriotic joy this weekend in response to the government’s capture of Thoppigala and thus its total liberation of the Eastern Province from terrorists. Trishaw driver K. A. L. P. Kamaladasa commented euphorically, ‘Now our brothers and sisters in the East can live their lives without fear of terrorism and violence! ...

Government considering options to counter Rajapakse shortage President Mahinda Rajapakse briefed the media yesterday on one of the gravest problems facing the nation; the shortage of Rajapakse family members. President Rakapakse commented, ‘I only have 3 brothers and even if you were to take the rest of my family into account, we still don’t have enough people to fill the 100-plus ministerial posts ...

Government’s air defence strategy reassures public Air Marshall Sarath Punchihewa revealed more details of the government’s air defence strategy so as to reassure public fears about further LTTE air attacks. Speaking to reporters, Air Marshall Punchihewa said, ‘The public should be completely at ease; the finest minds in our military have worked on our defence plan. As you might know, our ...

Rajapakse crowned queen Aruni Rajapakse (center) was crowned Miss Sri Lanka for Miss Universe last night in a fairy-tale rise to success. Ms. Rajapakse had not intended to participate in the pageant but was drafted in at the last minute by organisers to satisfy a government edict that only a Rajapakse can represent Sri Lanka internationally. Sources indicate ...

Gotabhaya a good chap after all… Defence secretary Gotabhaya Rajapakse today countered news reports that his security detail had been involved in an incident of road-side harassment against Amrit Jayawardene, the grandson of former president JR Jayawardene. Mr. Rajapakse said today that on seeing the newspaper reports of the incident, he had sent a couple of his vehicles to Mr. Jayawardene’s house, ...

Ministerial appointments continue; Sanath, Sunil and Anarkalli included in cabinet In a continued attempt to court popular support, the government announced today a further series of ministerial appointments with renowned actress Anarkalli Akarsha appointed Minister of Cleavage, aging cricketer Sanath Jayasuriya named Minister of Baldness and Gypsies frontman Sunil Perera named Minister of Sound. The new round of appointments has come in for criticism from some ...

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