Mahinda promises to punish Thajudeen murderer by cutting culprit’s pocket money Ex-President Mahinda Rajapaksa promised strong action today against the culprits behind rugby player Wasim Thajudeen’s murder, insisting that justice must take it’s course and that whoever was found to be guilty should have their pocket money taken away. Speaking to reporters, Mr. Rajapaksa went on to underline his commitment to justice by stating that if the evidence was particularly damning, he would ...

Parliamentary hopeful Mahinda Rajapaksa unveiled today his plans to build Asia’s largest port in the town of Kurunegala. Speaking at a media briefing, Mr. Rajapaksa, who is coincidentally contesting for a seat in Kurunegala, said, ‘Kurunegala’s talented work force and good road links make it the obvious location for our new port; here we can create a global shipping hub that far outshines the second-rate ...

MR’s amnesia worsens Medical experts expressed concern today for ex-President Mahinda Rajapaksa’s mental health, as evidence emerged that his amnesia was worsening. Mr. Rajapaksa’s recent statement that there had been no acts of political vengeance or violations of the Constitution during his Presidency, confirmed rumours that the former strongman was struggling with acute memory loss. Some experts have suggested the problem may be genetic, given ...

Rajapaksa announces latest sequel – ‘Mahinda 3: Hairier and Scarier’ Bowing to fan pressure, political auteur Percival Rajapaksa announced yet another sequel in his ‘Mahinda’ series; ‘Mahinda 3: Hairier and Scarier”. Speaking at a press conference yesterday, Mr. Rajapaksa said, ‘As you know, the original plan was to do keep doing sequels forever but then my funding was cut. Well now I’m here to tell you that we are back and bigger than ever! ...

UNP to contest general elections alone Leader of the UNP, Ranil Wickremasinghe, confirmed today that the UNP would contest the upcoming General Elections alone, i.e. without the coalition partners that had banded together to gain victory in January’s Presidential election. Speaking to reporters, Mr. Wickremasinghe said, ‘The UNP is definitely contesting the elections by ourselves – it’s worked so well for us in the past, ...

Monkfish eaten by fishy monk BBS strongman Gnanasara Thero’s penchant for controversy resurfaced yesterday when the Thero ordered and consumed a dish of ‘Pan-Fried Monkfish’ at the Barefoot restaurant in Colombo. The BBS has denied media reports that the monk’s consumption of monkfish was a veiled threat towards to the coastal branches of the Sangha. When reached for comment on his choice of dish, Gnanasara ...

Gnanasara Thero consumes Pan-Fried Monkfish BBS strongman Gnanasara Thero’s penchant for controversy resurfaced yesterday when the Thero ordered and consumed a dish of ‘Pan-Fried Monkfish’ at the Barefoot restaurant in Colombo. The BBS has denied media reports that the monk’s consumption of monkfish was a veiled threat towards to the coastal branches of the Sangha. When reached for comment on his choice of dish, Gnanasara ...

Cabinet Spokesman’s statement on contradictions, contradicted At a briefing today, Cabinet Spokesman Rajitha Senaratne vehemently countered the negative rumours surrounding his role, stating that ‘It is absolutely not true that all of my official statements are immediately contradicted by the Prime Minister, Ranil Wickremasinghe’. The statement was immediately contradicted by the Prime Minister, Ranil Wickremasinghe, who said ‘It is true – in fact, I go out of my ...

President, PM and Cabinet resign to make way for younger politicians Following the recent resignation of Sri Lanka’s cricket captain, vice-captain and selection committee after last week’s defeat in the World Cup Final, the President, Prime Minister and Cabinet Ministers of Sri Lanka all resigned today with immediate effect. Speaking at a news conference, outgoing President Mahinda Rajapaksa said “I think it’s time to move on and make room for ...

Government responds maturely to criticism Government spokesman Keheliya Rambukwella responded today to UN Humanitarian Affairs Chief John Holmes’ concerns about the safety of humanitarian workers by alleging that Mr. Holmes’ comments were part of a vast international conspiracy against the Mahinda Rajapakse administration. “We have suspected for a while that the world was out to get us – how else do ...

Government responds maturely to criticism Government spokesman Keheliya Rambukwella responded today to UN Humanitarian Affairs Chief John Holmes’ concerns about the safety of humanitarian workers by alleging that Mr. Holmes’ comments were part of a vast international conspiracy against the Mahinda Rajapakse administration. “We have suspected for a while that the world was out to get us – how else do you explain the rise ...

Country rejoices patriotically over liberation of the East Cities throughout Sri Lanka overflowed with patriotic joy this weekend in response to the government’s capture of Thoppigala and thus its total liberation of the Eastern Province from terrorists. Trishaw driver K. A. L. P. Kamaladasa commented euphorically, ‘Now our brothers and sisters in the East can live their lives without fear of terrorism and violence! ...

Country rejoices patriotically over liberation of the East Cities throughout Sri Lanka overflowed with patriotic joy this weekend in response to the government’s capture of Thoppigala and thus its total liberation of the Eastern Province from terrorists. Trishaw driver K. A. L. P. Kamaladasa commented euphorically, ‘Now our brothers and sisters in the East can live their lives without fear of terrorism and violence! Well, apart from encounters ...

Government considering options to counter Rajapakse shortage President Mahinda Rajapakse briefed the media yesterday on one of the gravest problems facing the nation; the shortage of Rajapakse family members. President Rakapakse commented, ‘I only have 3 brothers and even if you were to take the rest of my family into account, we still don’t have enough people to fill the 100-plus ministerial posts ...

Government considering options to counter Rajapakse shortage President Mahinda Rajapakse briefed the media yesterday on one of the gravest problems facing the nation; the shortage of Rajapakse family members. President Rakapakse commented, ‘I only have 3 brothers and even if you were to take the rest of my family into account, we still don’t have enough people to fill the 100-plus ministerial posts in the government. With ...

Government’s air defence strategy reassures public Air Marshall Sarath Punchihewa revealed more details of the government’s air defence strategy so as to reassure public fears about further LTTE air attacks. Speaking to reporters, Air Marshall Punchihewa said, ‘The public should be completely at ease; the finest minds in our military have worked on our defence plan. As you might know, our ...

Government’s air defence strategy reassures public Air Marshall Sarath Punchihewa revealed more details of the government’s air defence strategy so as to reassure public fears about further LTTE air attacks. Speaking to reporters, Air Marshall Punchihewa said, ‘The public should be completely at ease; the finest minds in our military have worked on our defence plan. As you might know, our reaction to word of an ...

Rajapakse crowned queen Aruni Rajapakse (center) was crowned Miss Sri Lanka for Miss Universe last night in a fairy-tale rise to success. Ms. Rajapakse had not intended to participate in the pageant but was drafted in at the last minute by organisers to satisfy a government edict that only a Rajapakse can represent Sri Lanka internationally. Sources indicate ...

Rajapakse crowned queen Aruni Rajapakse (center) was crowned Miss Sri Lanka for Miss Universe last night in a fairy-tale rise to success. Ms. Rajapakse had not intended to participate in the pageant but was drafted in at the last minute by organisers to satisfy a government edict that only a Rajapakse can represent Sri Lanka internationally. Sources indicate that Ms. Rajapakse’s victory came ...

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